Lesbians - Who's the man in the relationship?

With people accepting civil partnerships and homosexuality have also come some very naive questions and views on the roles within female relationships.

I know from past experience and have heard people questioning who is "the man" in a lesbian relationship, people don't usually mean anything by it, and i do genuinely believe that a large proportion of the time, it is honest belief that there is a woman in the relationship who has undertaken the role of "a man".

However in actual fact there is nothing less likely than one taking on the role of a man, putting aside the concept of pan sexuality, when a woman is with another woman, they don't tend to consider them as manly, maybe butch yes, but they don't consider them as having a penis, they enjoy sex with them, as a woman, and often the thought of having sex with a man is a turn off, and definitely not what they are interested in.

Why would a lesbian woman be in a relationship with a man? Equally, why would a straight man be in a relationship with another man? 

If you're attracted to a woman, you imagine her, consider her, and think of her as a woman, stop trying to change what people are, who they are, and label them. 

So what actually constitutes being a man in the relationship?

I differentiate between genders physically in regards to the fact that i consider a female to have breasts, curves, a vagina and to be generally feminine, obviously there is a very wide spectrum where gender is concerned; i.e. transsexualism, cross-dressing, however most males do not have these qualities, therefore they are very different physically. 

Also, we have been conditioned through society to be very different and conduct ourselves very differently as genders, the gap between genders is a lot smaller than it used to be, however there are still very clear differences between the ways in which they are expected to behave.

We are conditioned so that males as expected to act more masculine, butch, protective, aggression is also accepted when controlled, they are seen as hunters and providers, whereas females are seen as dainty, vulnerable, in need of protection and feminine, basically the opposite to males.

It is said that within our human nature to adopt one of two roles, in friendships, relationships, families, and every aspect of social interaction, we either adopt a role as a person who helps other people, a problem solver, we tend to ignore our own problems and solve others, in relationships these people generally tend to be seen as the "man" in the relationship, because they look after the other person in the relationship.

(This isn't to say that everything is one sided whatsoever, it's simply within our nature to adopt a role, it's part of the dynamics of relationships).

The other role tends to be seen as the "woman" in the relationship, they are generally the one who allows the other person to take care of them, more so than visa versa, and quite often they are open with any issues that they have,  whereas the opposing role may be reluctant to do so.

Not everybody fits into these roles to a T, however they are general categories which balance out relationships very often, a lot of relationships do fit into these very narrow categories, however not all do, so where does that lead the conclusions?

Well, if every reluctant problem solver was considered "the woman" then a heterosexual relationship could actually contain two  women?

Nope, i thought not, the heterosexual woman would probably be offended at the concept of being in a relationship with another woman?

So why is it any different to a homosexual relationship containing a man?

It isn't.

Maybe some members of society just have the approach to leave it, and that's wrong, they shouldn't have to,

Society, believe it or not, homosexuality is just as natural and right as heterosexuality, there doesn't need to be a male in a lesbian relationship, a female in a gay relationship, all that matters is that people are happy; you only get one opportunity to live life, why does it matter who people spend it with?

Every relationship is different, and therefore the dynamics are different, we as people each react differently to different situations, with different people, what might work for one lesbian relationship, may not work for another; 

stop giving everybody labels, we are what we are, gay, straight, lesbian, we are people, and we love who we love.

When did you choose to be gay?

I always hear questions being thrown around regarding sexuality, generally to people who identify themselves as anything other than straight.

Just to clarify, there are now 7 recognised types of sexuality, covering a very wide spectrum;

Heterosexuality-  Is the sexual attraction between members of the opposite sexes  such as man attracts to woman and woman attracts to man sexually.

Homosexuality- is the sexual attraction between members of the same sexes such as man to man and woman to woman.sexually.

Bisexuality- Is the sexual attraction to both the opposite and same sexes such as man to man and man to woman, woman to woman and woman to man.

Asexuality- Is also known as nonsexuality which is the lack of sexual attraction and sexual interest towards others.

Polysexuality-  Is the sexual attraction to more than one gender but do not wish to be known as bisexual as it implies that their are only two binary sexes, do not confuse this with pansexuality (Pan meaning All) and (Poly meaning many).

Pansexuality- Is the sexual attraction towards people regardless of gender also known as omnisexuality, some pansexuals refer to themselves as gender blind as to them gender is  insignificant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.

Transexualism - Is when a person identifies themselves with a physical sex that is different to their own biological one, A medical diagnosis can be made if a person experiences discomfort as a result of a desire to be a member of the opposite sex. for example a person may be born male, and is uncomfortable with their gender as a male  and changes to a female, or a female may change to a male. It is a long process that they will go through and an expensive one too.

There is so much pressure at the moment within society to know what sexuality you are, and to assign it a label, and the truth of the matter, is that some people simply aren't ready to explore their sexuality.

No two people are the same, they never will be, they will not think the same, feel the same, they will not be the same, so why is everybody expected to like the same people and act the same way?

It is a common misconception that people who are not heterosexual have a choice about their sexuality, and choose to like the same gender as themselves or deviate from the social norm in an apparent bid for attention or to appear individual.

If a heterosexual man were to be asked when they decided that they like women, then they would generally answer slightly confused with answers like "I just did" "It's nature", why is any other sexuality different?

Whoever one person likes or does not like, they are still a human being, they are still a person, everybody has different likes, dislikes, feelings and emotions, but just because one person's feelings differs from yours does not make them any more or less valid.
Emotions and feelings are what make us human, they are part of our make up, who's right is it to say to one group of people you cannot feel this way about another person?
It's not breaking the law, it's not pedophilia, it's not illegal, it's just one human being feeling an attraction to another, nobody is hurt, no more than an average relationship.

Society has formed a hierarchy because we have allowed it to do so, and with this formed different members of society, those who perceive themselves as high on the social scale see themselves fit to make judgments upon other members of society. If a person is genuinely determined to form an opinion on another person then they should not voice them and cause a person to feel like their views and feelings make them any less of a person than anybody else, being gay, or being any sexuality does not make you any different to any other person, more or less superior.

A person can choose what they do, and how they behave, but not how they feel, and people need to remember that, a gay man may choose to have sex with a woman, but he cannot help but feel attracted to other men. People claim to choose to be straight, but generally this is because they perceive being heterosexual as an accepted norm and consider themselves as having a choice.

Feeling attracted to somebody is emotions, you cannot blame somebody for their emotions, you wouldn't tell somebody they have no right to feel sad, or happy, or angry.

People with anger issues have no choice about feeling angry, however they make choices regarding their behavior, a person can feel however they want to feel, nobody has the right to judge them for it.

Today we live in a society where everything is wrong, whatever you do you are being constantly judged by different areas within society, you can't do right for doing wrong nowadays.
Society is so diverse with such a wide spectrum of views and opinions that even if you please the majority there will still be people who don't agree with your feelings, behaviors, mannerisms, there is always somebody who thinks they know right.

As we develop as a culture, freedom of speech is encouraged and opinions are advocated, however appropriateness and mindfulness has not yet been entirely mastered among all, people need to start speaking up, because most of the time, ignorant comments are made simply through lack of education about the topic.

At the end of the day, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, we are all equal human, we all feel, we all hurt, and we all love who we love, not one person has a right to judge whether you love a man or a woman, and hopefully over time society won't use the blanket term of acceptance as PC homophobic action, maybe one day society will just accept us for who we are, not what we are.